Top Ten Winchester Motels

Ah, the cheap dives where Sam and Dean rest their weary heads each week; usually not garnering so much as a single batted eyelash from the guys.  They’ve been as ever-present as the Impala.  And to think, there was barely even a motel in the pilot!  Ranking these was decidedly difficult, and I had three extra that I couldn’t possibly leave out, so we have some honorable mentions on this list.  Note:  these are all places Sam and Dean “paid” to stay, so you won’t find Bobby’s place or any run-down abandoned houses here, regardless of any awesomeness they might possess.  Shall we begin?

The also-rans:

Kim Manor–”Jump the Shark”    Nothing really out of the ordinary here, it actually looks like a fairly decent place.  Pleasant floor-to-ceiling photo mural, bobbers and paddles on the dividers, ducks on the border.  What makes this place stand out is its behind-the-scenes connection:  it’s a tribute to the late Kim Manners, producer and director throughout the first three seasons.  Don’t forget to check out Happy Hour in the Sonny Buono Lounge.

City Center Motor Hotel–”Bad Day at Black Rock”  Humungous cabbage roses on the walls, red backlighting, plastic plants in gravel-filled planter boxes, and circles everywhere.  A perfect place to accidentally set yourself on fire.

Astoria Hotel–”Lazarus Rising”   With tiger-print wallpaper, a tiger-on-black-velvet painting(Andy had this in his van, too!), mirrors on the ceiling, and a red heart on the door, this wouldn’t exactly be considered a family-friendly establishment.  Without Dean, Sam sank to new lows in more ways than one.

10.  Moonlight Motel–”It’s the Great Pumpkin, Sam Winchester”  Because the show is so dark, I missed some details the first time I watched this.  But the glory of red and black floor tiles, purple and gray wallpaper, purple crushed velvet bedspreads, and green brocade couch are not to be missed.  There’s a reason the lamps aren’t on.

9.   Pierpont Inn–”Playthings”  Dean questions the sanity of those who would use an antique wedding dress as a focal point in a room, one of the rare occurrences when they actually take note of the décor surrounding them.  The dusty, musty antiques in the rest of the room pale in comparison.

8.   Blue Rose Motel–”Hunted”  The dizzying blue and silver concentric circles on the walls are reminiscent of old LPs, and completely overshadow the curio cabinet of blue and white flowered plates someone obviously lovingly collected at flea markets just for this purpose.  Don’t stand too close to the sliding doors, though.

7.   Conquistador Motel–”Malleus Maleficarum”  They should issue sunglasses at check-in for this place.  Slathered on plaster in an indigestion-causing shade of orange is off-set only slightly by the wrought-iron scrollwork and matador-themed art.  Sunglasses and Rolaids, please. 

6.   Escanade Motel–”Nightmare”   Now this is more my speed.  Woodsy and lodge-like, with deer heads on the wall, a stone(probably fake) fireplace, and birch saplings supporting the ceiling.  I may have stayed someplace very similar on a family vacation when I was a kid.  Plenty of space for cleaning your guns, too.

5.   King’s Lair Hotel–”Tall Tales”    Here’s a place that has seen better days.  The wallpaper is stained and peeling, the stuffing is poking out of the chairs, and the chandelier looks like it hasn’t been dusted since 1942.  Or at least since they installed that nifty seventies kitchenette.

4.   Wyeth’s Western Inn–”Hell House”   Here’s a real Texas place to hang your hat.  Steer skull on the wall, armadillo on the dresser, and cowboy-print on everything else.  Any boy in 1956 would have loved this room.  And, yes, the only decent shot of the room I could find also included Sam in a towel.  Your point?

3.   The Aviary Hotel–”Dream a Little Dream of Me”  The color saturation of this room alone would put it in the top five, but it also has birds!  Everywhere!  They even align to form optical illusions!  The decorators were kind enough, however, to provide a plain brick wall to give your eyes a rest from time to time.

2.   The Tucker Inn–”A Very Supernatural Christmas”  Welcome to The Kinkade Suite, featuring a mural of a rural winter scene, a naugahyde waiting room sofa, ivy wallpaper, and a kitchenette in one of those shades of green that are dirt cheap.  And of course, Sam added his own touches to celebrate the holiday.

1.   The Boogie Inn–”Provenance”   Top of the list by its sheer power to make Sam and Dean stop and do a double-take.  With all the motel rooms they’ve seen throughout their lives, that’s saying something.   Disco kings and dancing queens would feel right at home.