[Note: Good grief! I thought I'd posted this already. Well, it's a week and a half late, but just pretend it's, oh, say, July 1st, as you read.]
When I read Television Without Pity’s “recaplet” of this week’s episode, I wondered if it was written by the fabulous Raelle Tucker. It was!
Sadly, though, we do not see Bill’s beat-down at the Hamby household. Perhaps because it wasn’t a beat-down. Instead, he glamoured everyone. Lame!
In the car on the way back to Bon Temps, Bill and Sookie are fighting ferociously. Jessica is in the back seat crying, and I’m beginning to like Jessica. It’s nice to see her softer side. Finally, Sookie’s had enough of Bill’s preaching, and gets out of the car to walk the 20 miles home. Bad idea. She’s followed by some weird half-bull/half-man creature. (It looks sort of like the devil in that classic (not!) horror film Devour. In other words, mucho creepy!) It attacks and puts three wide and deep scratches her back. Worse, it’s paralyzed her.
Bill hears her screams and comes to her aid, but the creature is gone. He tries to give her vampire blood, but all it does is cause her to vomit foam. He takes Sookie to Fangtasia and tells Jessica to drive the car straight home.
Eric calls on his personal physician, who apparently has dealt with this type of thing before. She pours some acidic something over Sookie’s wounds then digs into them to pull out… the venom? And yes, it’s just as painful as it sounds. However, it works, and the next morning Sookie wakes to see her back is completely healed.
Sookie runs into Ginger, who’s concentrating on not telling Sookie Eric has Lafayette chained in the basement. Of course, Sookie hears her thoughts and is furious. She ends up making a deal with Eric for Lafayette’s freedom. She’ll go to Dallas with him to help find his missing vampire friend, but demands Bill go with them. And throws in the requirement for $10,000. Eric is not happy and threatens Sookie, complete with fangs. And although Sookie flinches just a bit at the surprise of it, she stands up to Eric with equal ferocity. And it is awesome. I’m not sure Eric knows what to do with someone who doesn’t follow his every command.
Elsewhere, Maryann is having another orgy party at her place. She’s invited everyone who was at Merlotte’s the night before. Plus some others, from the looks of it. The coroner and the barfly get it on, several of the girls take off their tops. One of the topless chicks steps into the hot tub with Tara and Eggs, and, being a masseuse, begins her therapy on Eggs. Tara looks around at the melee and finally gets some sense.
At fang-hating Jesus camp, Jason also grows some sense. In group “therapy,” he explains his experience with vampires has been decent. He thinks maybe he’s made the wrong decision and leaves. But the minister’s wife goes after him, gives him a sob story of how vampires killed her sister (although there is no proof). Jason’s invited to dinner at the minister’s house, where he’s told God is good, and therefore against evil, and vampires are evil. Jason, being the empty-headed dope he is, caves. Oh, and somewhere along the way, he has homo-erotic dreams of Eddie. He prays for a sign from God, and is thusly hit with a pillow from across the room, the tosser saying, “There’s your sign.” Ha!
Jessica does indeed drive straight home to Bill’s, but the big empty house is too saddening for her. She dolls herself up and heads over to Merlotte’s, where Hoyt is sitting in the last booth all by himself. She sits in the next booth, eyeing him somewhat shyly. Hoyt gathers up his nerve and asks if he can join her. Their banter is sweet, but when Hoyt asks her if he can get her something to eat, she hesitates. I’m a little worries about what she’s going to do to Hoyt, but she simply says, “A bottle of True Blood. B+.” And Hoyt, being his totally adorable self, leans in and says, “You’re a vampire? Awesome!” Oh Hoyt, can I take you home with me?
They head home to Bill’s place (because, remember, Hoyt lives with his mama). Jessica tells him she sleeps in a hole. Hoyt tells her his mother keeps his doll collection in his closet. Then he spies Bill’s Wii. He’s going to teach Jessica one of the games, but of course sitting close together on the sofa is a bit too much. They start making out and Jessica’s fangs appear. She’s horrified. (And did I mention I’m coming to like Jessica? A lot.) Hoyt says they should take it slow since he too likes her a lot. She then attacks him.
Bill and Sookie arrive home and find Jessica and Hoyt making out on the sofa. (It doesn’t appear they’ve gone very far.) Bill, being the poopie-butt he is, is furious. He throws Jessica across the room. And I think he does something with Hoyt, but don’t remember what. Oh gawd, Bill’s become such a parent.
Sam is leaving town for awhile and gives Terry the responsibility of running Merlotte’s in his absence. Terry doesn’t want it, and apparently is Sam’s last choice (well, except maybe for Daphne), but everyone else is otherwise occupied. Terry’s not happy and as he gets in his truck to drive away, he chides Sam for running instead of fighting. “I wouldn’t want you in my foxhole.” Excellent zinger!
Sam’s collie buddy shows up, probably sensing Sam is leaving with his doggie-sense. So Sam and his pal decide to go for a late night swim. CollieSam jumps into the lake but his friend hesitates. As collieDog leaves, new (really horrible) waitress Daphne shows up. Sam (back in human form, since humans can swim better than dogs) invites her in. As Daphne strips, we see three gigantic scars resembling the same scratches Sookie had at the show’s beginning.
And the episode ends. And we have to wait 2 weeks to find out what happens. Dammit! (Obviously, I need to get to the library and put my name on the wait list for the books. Or, I could buy them at Amazon, I suppose.)
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