Harper’s Island: “Gasp” and “Sigh”

When the show first started three months ago, I complained bitterly about how the cast was so huge that it was impossible to connect to any of the characters. Now that it’s over, I perversely feel like I’ve lost friends.

Remember all those psych meds that J.D. was taking? Apparently he should have been sharing them with his brother, because Henry turned out to be buckets of crazy. In fact, I’d make the argument that Henry was even more barkers than John Wakefield, because Wakefield could never in a million years pass for normal, while Henry had everyone so fooled that he basically had to confess to being the killer twice before Sully caught on. How stone cold do you have to be to invite your friends, who Trish said loved you as much as she did, and your whole family to a sham wedding knowing in advance they were all going to be killed? Was Tacoma really that bad?

Little slug-frying Madison really seemed to be taking all of the slaughter in stride. The only two times she freaked out were when murders were actually being committed right in front of her face. The rest of the time, she seemed to think it was all pretty cool. She even responded to all the information about what a psycho John Wakefield was with a “He was nice to me.” I recommend finding the kid a good therapist before she starts drowning classmates for having better penmanship than she does.

I just saw the remakes of My Bloody Valentine and Friday the 13th over the weekend, and I have to say that neither Jason nor The Miner radiated the menace that Callum Keith Rennie did as John Wakefield. He scared the crap out of me, which is awesome because I’ve never seen him play a character as irredeemable as this. Considering how gruesome and plentiful the murders were, not to mention the elaborate displays of many of the bodies, there was always a danger that Wakefield could have been played as an over-the-top, campy psychopath, but Rennie’s Wakefield was as implacable as the tide. He just kept coming at you and he was thoroughly unimpressed with your attempts to defend yourself.

The Coast Guard said they’d found over twenty bodies on the island, but I have a feeling that Lucy and Booth are only going to be found with cadaver dogs. And poor bedraggled Gigi has no one left to feed her. She’s going to end up as dinner for something bigger than she is out in those woods.

CBS originally billed the show as a “mystery event,” but it wasn’t much of a mystery. It took half the show (and about half the cast) before anyone even realized that murders were occurring, and then everyone was too busy trying not to die to do much actual investigating. However, as a thirteen part horror movie, it was great fun. I’m going to miss it.